


A drunk occasion

by RiverAndHill



Category: A Song of Ice and Fire & Related Fandoms, A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin
Genre: Aerys was very dead, I Will Go Down With This Ship, I went freestyle interpreting their feelings, M/M, Tywin was drunk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-07
Updated: 2021-03-07
Packaged: 2021-03-13 12:48:17
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 913
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29901321
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RiverAndHill/pseuds/RiverAndHill
Summary: “You didn’t love me...Why couldn’t you love me? Tywin, why?”
Relationships: Tywin Lannister/Aerys II Targaryen
Kudos: 2





	A drunk occasion

“They were monsters, monsters! ” Robert made another loud comment about the Targaryens. He was clearly drunk but no one dared to say anything about it. He had just become the king of the seven kingdoms, still holding the love of the people...and of the army as well. He then raised his glass again, shivering a bit and casting a look at his father-in-law like he was waiting for the former Hand and _old friend_ of a Targaryen king to agree to his point.

Tywin knew better than to defy him at this moment,  “ Indeed, you grace. ” His heart twisted a bit though when connecting a certain image with the concept of a monster. That bright, silver hair shining when the sun shed its light onto it. Such breathtaking beauty...yet doing the horrible deeds many couldn’t even bare to witness.

He excused himself later, walking to the terasse to enjoy some cool blaze.

“ You didn’t love me... Why couldn’t you love me?Tywin, why? ” A familiar voice took his peace away. Aerys’ voice, with an odd innocence in it. 

He remained still for a moment, then turned around to the source of the voice slowly. 

Tywin knew right away that this was just an illusion, for the man he saw was so young, with no twisted finger nails nor scars on face that were actually all the things people thought of when it came to... the Mad King. And the question...presenting the almost ridiculous question was something that Aerys never could do when he was alive.

So desperate and so vulnerable...His pride forbade it.

  
Tywin remembered once overhearing a conversation between Aerys and his sister and queen, Rhaella.

“You love him.”The queen claimed indifferently,”Why would you insult his wife when you know it would hurt him and push him away?”  
Tywin would never admit how the answer to the question did not even matter to him, although it should. He was more anxious for how the king would reply to that suggestion about his feelings.

Aerys gasped loudly, snorting as if she had lost her mind. Tywin peeked though the half opened door. The King frowned angrily, lilac eyes darkening. This was a sign before his another tantrum. Then the words Tywin heard made him turn away immediately.

“ Don’t be a fool, Rhaella. A King might fuck _a servant_. But never love one. ”

Tywin never looked back ever since. Not even once.

  
Even all by his own, with nothing but the ghost from his own past, Tywin Lannister would not allow himself soft words.

“ You were not a man to be loved at that time. ” Tywin said, his tone so plain that it sounded cold. ” You were a monster. ”

_A lie._ Tywin realized that he was lying by quoting Robert’s words, that he was hiding behind the new King’s hatred for he himself had no such strong shield.

Aerys almost looked hurt immediately. His bright eyes...looking at Tywin so softly, almost like a heart-broken lover. 

Tywin stared right back, seemingly unmoved at all, but deep inside his heart, he knew just clearly that that was not what he wanted to say to him given the chance. That was not what he truly thought. He couldn’t help but getting sucked into the memories from the past. Everyday at court, so much conspiracy, so many whispers, and all idiots.

He couldn’t bear the rumors that he was more of the King’s whore than the King’s Hand even with all his contributions and sacrifices. It would be an insult to him and his House. 

But what he wanted say more was, you, Aerys, you were not yourself any more. 

You insulted me, my lady wife. You hurt me and you made me so angry that no one ever had.

_ You broke my heart. _

_ You let my trust down. _

For a moment, Tywin wanted to yell all those thoughts to Aerys, like he had wanted it many, many years ago. He wanted to grab his neck and asked him if he really was merely a _servant_ to him.

But he couldn’t, he just couldn’t do it as Tywin Lannister. He couldn’t afford such honesty and vulnerability as the head of House Lannister, Lord of Casterly Rock,Warden of the West...all those titles and former Hand of the king too.

He missed the time when he was just a knight, Aerys his squire, when they could lie in the tent alongside, talking and sometimes arguing, all without disguise.

Even Tywin had such naive dreams. 

That everything could be back to how it had been. Like those afternoons when they were still so young, waking up from a cozy nap with each other’s breaths so close that it would itch. And the sun shone upon them, making the young prince’s hair even brighter. And Tywin would press his lips upon those of his prince.  
_Those memories from a thousand years ago...  
_

  
But they could never go back. Not anymore.

The wine wasn’t right. Lord Tywin thought to himself. _It made me sentimental._

He waved into the air, as if he was trying to wave away a bad image. 

And it did. He returned to his chamber and got into bed, very worn out. 

Before he fell asleep, he realized with sarcasm that he would never, ever be happy again, for he had lost everyone in the world that could make him. They both let each other go way before anyone else realized.


End file.
